is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
