Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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