I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
