whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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