And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
