im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
