Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize