Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
