i need an iv and a liver transplant
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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