wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't deserve a penis
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
