She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize