I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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