I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
