eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
