If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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