im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
