BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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