I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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