He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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