she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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