I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
