My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
two words...techno handjob
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize