Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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