Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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