I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
