how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
