why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
