i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
