Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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