I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"it" just moved
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
