found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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