Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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