how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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