There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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