Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
