why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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