i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
