sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
