Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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