I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
