i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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