Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
