my phone needs a breathalizer
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
