Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How's work?
Spinning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
