i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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