I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
