Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
