my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
