he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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