I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
