GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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