they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
