Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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