Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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