bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
