Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
